If god made anything better than pussy, he kept if for himself.
Pain pills are just bitch mints.
Me: Santa, for Christmas can I be with my crush?
Santa:….
Me:….
Santa: What did I tell you last year
Me:…..
Santa:……
Me: That that’s called kidnapping
Santa: Yep.
What’s with all of the festive ass porn?
I bought a second Nazi helmet yesterday, It is shipping, but I don’t know when I’ll get it.
When I get bored I do the randomest crap
Guess who is now a minister.


